Leadership and Self-Deception
Book Author: Arbinger Institute (2002)
MDA Reviewer: Joseph M. Volker, Ph.D., L.P.
Have you ever had an interpersonal conflict at work that seemed to have a life of its own? You try to make it better and no matter what you do the conflict still exists. It zaps your energy. It consumes more of your thinking time then it should. When you have this type of conflict situation, you feel stuck. It has a negative impact on those around you. It compromises your credibility as a leader. The book Leadership and Self-Deception is a powerful resource for understanding these types of conflicts. However, I guarantee that you will start reading this book with a certain expectation and that expectation will be turned on its head 180-degrees by the time you finish the book.
What do I mean by this? When you start reading this book you will have a certain set of assumptions about conflict—assumptions that we all make. You will learn, though, that your assumptions (about the conflict or the “offending” person) can actually limit you and keep the conflict stuck. This is known as “being in the box.” It means that you are distorting and maximizing the other person’s role in the conflict and distorting and minimizing your own. When this happens you develop selective attention. You notice behaviors consistent with your assumptions and you ignore behaviors that are inconsistent with your assumptions. This is known as seeing what you want to see and hearing what you want to hear.
This book forces you to confront your own participation in maintaining a destructive conflict—your self-deception. It is a book for any leader who is willing to take a deep, honest, and sometimes difficult look at his or her self. It will help you examine your assumptions about people and circumstances and untangle unproductive conflict situations.
The book is told in a story/parable format, which can turn some readers off. However, it makes for a quick and easy read. It tells the story about a new manager and how he learns about “being in the box” from a seasoned mentor. He asks all the questions you would be likely to ask and gets responses that are thought provoking and insightful about organizational behavior. It is an easy read – one night or one plane ride should do it. It is easy for almost anyone to see themselves reflected in the teachings of this book. I have used this book in executive coaching to hold up a mirror to leaders seeking greater self-awareness and authentic, engaging leadership. I highly recommend it and I dare you to read it. If you do read it I would love to hear what you think about it.
MDA Leadership Consulting offers an action learning program for leadership teams based on the concepts in this book called Leadership and Authenticity. If you would like to learn more, contact me at MDA.